One of the greatest blessing of this Prayer & Fasting time, for me, is bringing me back to the discipline of prayer. A prayer to start the day, praying during break time, in quiet moments, when I am in the toilet. LOL. Like really. I continue to pray that God will continue to open up my heart, to remind me of people–family, friends, loved ones–make me have the burden to pray for them, help me not to take them for granted, and be grateful for them, always. As I remember and pray for them, I am reminded of the time we spent together, what they have done for me–their kindness, their love–and with this seemingly little act, my heart opens up, gets fuzzy warm, and wells up in gratefulness. I am not yet in the ‘level of gratitude’ that I hope I would have, as there are lots and lots of moments and people that I have forgotten, taken for granted. And it is my heart’s desire that God reminds me each day of these memories from the past I ought to bring back to the foreground, pieces of my heart I seemed to have shut in a dark corner. Make me feel again, make me human. Free my heart from the casket of my selfishness, redeem it back.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
– C.S. Lewis, “The Four Loves”
